I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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