Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
