apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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