kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
