my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
