I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
