I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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