I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
