I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
