:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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