I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
