I hate all girls vehemently.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
