I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
