I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
