You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
