I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
