somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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