i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
