you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
