Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
