the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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