Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
