Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
