I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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