4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
