dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
