You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
