Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
