I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I'm passing your future prison.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
