there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
