The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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