Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Nobody cheats on THIS.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
