just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
