Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
