If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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