I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
His nipple licking is glorious
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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