At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
