There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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