Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
