dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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