alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
