one two three fourrrrnication!
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
