hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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