I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
