Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
