My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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