That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I touched a dick in church today
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
