My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
it was like eating out sand paper
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
