Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
