Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
