This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
